Journey to Yogi-ness Part 2/2: The Hamster Wheel

“Know thyself” – Socrates

You’re probably wondering why I chose to share all these intimate details of my life? Well, if I am going to share blogs on dynamically living a Yogi lifestyle and share my thoughts, ideas and perspectives on diet, fitness and wisdom, then at least you should know a bit about me? Well, if this isn’t your cuppa tea, you may skip this and wait for blog 3 lol ;0)

Picking up from blog 1, I shared about my exposure and exploration of Hinduism, Christianity, Buddhism and the curiosity to learn and forge my path that was instilled in me by my grandparents and mum, and my dad to an extent, as he didn’t attempt to force his religious Islamic doctrine onto me.

I followed and achieved the typical educational path, that your parents strive to prepare you for, you know, go to school, get full distinctions, study formally at university, pass cum laude, all this with only being able to see with one eye!  Add to that, no sex before marriage, not living in sin. I was responsible and had a “Life-plan”: study for 4 years, do articles for 3 years, get married once exams are done. Travel the world for a few years and falling further in love with each other and then only, have a little one. Very structured (or boring), I know, what can I say, being an A-type personality and driven by ambition and structure, I couldn’t help it!

Buy a house with wonderful garden, buy a dream sports car, cash. 1-2 international trips a year. Sounds like the perfect life, all figured out, right?

Yes it was. But.

But after fulfilling all these worldly desires and goals, there was this constant niggling. A tugging from deep within. An emptiness. Monthly or sometimes weekly, I would feel the pull from the void, questioning everything. Driving to work, the tears would stream down my face. There’s got to be more to this Life. It can’t just be rise, work, eat, play, sleep and repeat. Could it?

So, I kept searching for a new mountain peak to climb. A new achievement, a new high, an unquenchable thirst to scale new mountains.

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I jumped between careers, never feeling smart enough to “just” try a new job or industry. I invested the time and money to study the new discipline each time. I did adrenaline sports like bungee jumping, snowboarding, sand boarding, you name it, to grasp that “high”.

I started with qualifying as a professional Chartered Accountant (CA (SA)). 7 tedious and challenging years and with it came continuous professional education (CPD) to keep the designation and keep up to date. On and on, on the hamster wheel I ran.

Next came, the IT auditing transition, with the CISA designation and all the additional CPD that came with that. The little mouse kept scurrying. I took a sojourn from the wheel and collated my poems and published them. Yay! A published poet, finally something exciting and different to put on my LinkedIN and Twitter profile info. It aligned to my “undercover” philosophical life!

I also decided to take time out from work and find my Self, kind of an “Eat Pray Love” journey, excluding the travel. Yes sadly without the travel. Why? I guess because of financial constraints and Miss-planned-to-the-tee Raysha, thought she knew what she wanted so I didn’t need to go travelling to find myself, also I couldn’t just leave my hubby and trek off to India or Indonesia. I mean I had just finished The Alchemist audiobook, on the day I resigned. there was no need to travel to the other end of the world to find my purpose, it was within me, somewhere...This was to the absolute shock and dismay of the Directors and Partners at the Big 4 Audit Firm I was part of, who had plans and aspirations for my “potential” and “talent”. Debt free and financially independent, I took a gap period, that my above life plan never allowed me to have. Remember that “life-plan”, well boom I threw that out the window! I felt so FREE!

I thought I wanted to become a guide-dog trainer. I tried for weeks reaching out to animal shelters and other animal NPOs, willing to help with any of the jobs, even picking up animal poo (yes surprisingly and thankfully I have a very small ego), but it wasn’t meant to be. I guess hindsight is truly 20/20 vision, because The Universe had other plans for me.

So, after many failed attempts at getting into the animal welfare industry, I registered as animal volunteer and then focused my efforts inward and upward. I focused on my true purpose and contemplated if I wasn’t going to get to work animals, just yet, then what else was I here for? How else could I “tangibly help animals, and my vision widened to include helping people as well. I was driven by this insatiable desire to help, to make a difference. I spent days and weeks, meditating, reading and attending free seminars (well money was just a tad limited, buying things cash and financial independence ironically comes at a price lol). JT Foxx, Dr DeMartini, Brian Walsh, to name a few, and I completed my Toastmasters. I read books, performed exercises on purpose and values.

My tag line became “Live. Learn. Lead”

Live life fully, learn from my experiences, learn formally and continue learning (Kaizen). Then use this life experience and formal education or learning from books and other content, to make a positive difference in the world. To influence and teach others and help them live their true potential and attain a meaningful existence.

But fears and anxieties lashed at every corner, and within 4 months, I leapt back onto that hamster “wheel”!

Cringing, I promised to leave the rat race, within 5 years and become what I identified my passion and calling as: A Business and Life coach.

During those 5 years, somewhere in between, I thought that maybe hiding behind a computer and not engaging with people would be the best job for me and I became a copy-editor. All this because of an innovation project that I was selected to lead, and stepping down from it because I chose to keep out of the conflict and dramas of office politics. This was a turning point for me, because my premise and exit plan from the corporate rat race was to help people achieve their potential, and now I felt I couldn’t engage with humans. I was shattered. My ego was crushed, my fears heightened. I threw away the coaching dream, I locked the idea away in some deep recess of my mind.

The 5 years is up and what I found in that time through days and months of introspection, reading, studying of some ancient philosophies and yes mentoring and coaching at work and any opportunity really, is: a new dynamic way of living life! In spite of being in the cage we find ourselves in, you know, our captors that keep us invisibly imprisoned? Our captors of Money, Career, Name, Fame, Power, Commitments, and let’s not leave out, Time. This blog will be many things, but it will chronicle lessons, experiences and knowledge gained from living life as a science experiment, do x, and see what happens. It will be candid and straight up. It will be the wild, crazy, brave and lucid thoughts of a yogi on the path to freedom and liberation. Irrespective of your religious beliefs, or your agnosticism; your desire for success, peace and love is attainable. I will share with you whatever I can, as it’s my duty, living as a Karma Yogi.

Namaste.

“The lips of wisdom are closed, except to the ears of understanding” – The Kybalion